The Story of Britain part 2
Kings after the Norman Conquest (when it gets good):
William I – uh, did the Norman Conquest, otherwise not too interesting.
William II – Called William Rufus. Enjoyed taxes and getting murdered. He was hunting with his younger brother and was mysteriously killed with an arrow. The hunting party left him to die, perhaps to really emphasize how sketchy the whole thing was. He was found and dragged away by a charcoal burner and buried without a funeral.
Henry I – The murderous brother! This is what we call motive. Henry I set up laws. I was surprised to learn that England still did not have the number zero at this time, which makes all the taxing amazing. He started Exchequer, so called because they used a checked cloth to calculate things. They really needed that zero. His only son drowned, so he crowned his daughter Matilda. All the nobles smiled and nodded. But when Henry I died from eating too many indigestible eels (true story!), they instead crowned Henry’s nephew
Stephen – Stephen’s rule was chaotic, largely because Matilda was always trying to take over. She got all the way to London, but the Londoners hated her and she escaped by walking on the frozen Thames. History! She sort of won out in the end, though, when an exhausted Stephen agreed that Matilda’s son would be the next king, passing over his own son, the unfortunately named Eustace.
Henry II – Played by Peter O’Toole. Great king! A+. He basically started the bureaucracy that would keep England going up to right now. He ruled England a quite a bit of France due to his marriage to Eleanor of Aquitaine. He also married his son to the princess of France to get more French territory, ignoring the fact that they were 2 and 6 years old.
He was very good friends with Thomas a Becket – they enjoyed hunting and carousing and so on. Then he appointed Thomas to be archbishop of Canterbury and things soured. There were various church/state disagreements. Henry II said “I wish someone would get him out of my hair!” and thereby accidentally got his old friend martyred in Canterbury Cathedral, on the altar! He felt super bad about it. Thomas became St. Thomas, so all’s well that ends well?
During Henry II’s reign England took over Ireland. See, an Irish king was chased out, so he asked an English baron to help him get his kingdom back. In exchange, he offered his daughter. So Eva and Strongbow (sweet nickname!) were wed, and Strongbow’s forces ran into Ireland and were soon followed by Henry II’s. So he nabbed Ireland for the kingdom.
A word on marriage. Henry II was happily married to Eleanor of Aquitaine for 15 years, then very unhappily so until their deaths. It seems he took a mistress, Rosamund, who the queen may have stabbed outside a rose maze (history!). And anyway Eleanor helped Henry’s rascally sons in their frequent attempts to take England or the family’s parts of France before their rightful time. Henry put her in prison. Henry’s first son (the one with the preschool marriage) died of dysentary, leaving, in order, Richard the Lionheart, Geoffrey, and John. Henry liked John the most, for reasons no one understands.
So after the eldest son died, Richard should have been named heir. He really wanted that settled so he could run off to the Crusades. Henry II dragged his feet, so Richard teamed up with the King of France and they forced Henry II into it. Richard would be the next king.
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