Liveblog: Some Television

27Oct11

Okay, let’s get ready. I’m wearing some pajamas, a coat of Neutrogena Ageless Essentials night cream, and the lazy hangover of a sick day.

TWILIGHT

Until my DVR kicks in, FX is playing Twilight. Yes! This is a great movie. Do you love sighs? Do you love people staring at each other? Do you love vampires? If you answered Yes, Yes, and No, then this is the perfect movie for you.

Ooh, we are jumping in for the field trip.

It’s weird that Edward highlights his hair.

Bella is one of those annoying people who thinks she is repressing everything and no one can tell how tortured her soul is, but actually everyone is rolling their eyes behind her back.

It’s also weird that Edward wears lipstick. I mean, he wants to be less attractive, right? So why is he a painted lady?

In this flashback the Cullens are eating a deer in olde tyme clothing – including hats and ruffles and cravats and stuff? Did they get all dolled up to run in the woods and rip a deer apart?

Bella needs a book, so she finds a store an hour away with no idea when she can go there. Bella! It’s called Amazon.

Port Angeles: Rape Capital of the Northwest. There are just bands of thugs! It comes up in the next movie, too!

I’m not sure I understand why Edward feels so protective of Bella. (Protective here means creepily possessive, of course.) Does he want to eat her? Or what? Is it a thing where he loves her because she smells like delicious food, so he wants to be near her, but worries that eventually he’ll eat her? But kind of wants to? You know, I wish that other book from Edward’s perspective had come out, because I don’t get it.

Secret best part of this movie: Bella’s dad’s mustache. That thing is amaaaaaazing.

WHITNEY

Oops, this is a repeat.

I am taking a break to have some oatmeal. I hate oatmeal.

SUBURGATORY

Halloween episode! My fave! Also, Jeremy Sisto: I have a thing about you.

He’s playing sex chicken with me, with his mime costume, but I will not blink.

Great costume on mini Emma Stone! Bump-it, velour tracksuit, love it!!!!

Dallas: “…makes people cry and scream and pee my pants.” Ha!

Um, this episode is maybe actually scary? I’ve been scared two times!

Three times: Jay Mohr! AHHHHH!!!

FIRST HALF OF L&O:UK

Third word of the episode: “fortnight.”

Ooh, this is going to be about kids these days, with their sex parties and youtubes!! Why isn’t this concerned mother wearing pearls to clutch?

I love this show, but I do not love the young detective’s neck beard. Shave your neck, handsome British man!

Oh no, it’s a snuff film! But TWIST! The girl is totally alive! I feel like the episode should be over now? But I guess not.

This is a bummer.

Haha, KitKat just fell off the back of the couch.

HAPPY ENDINGS

This show is funny! But there are too many jokes! Ha, that 80s thing where you check out a lady by pulling down your sunglasses!

Brad’s favorite sweatpants are named Karen.

Doorbells on TV startle KitKat even though I haven’t had a doorbell in like three years. So these trick or treat episodes are killing her.

Harold & Kumar 3D – can the world pot supply handle this movie?

Costume: ZZ Top Gun. YES!

Okay, time for english muffin. End of blog.

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